My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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