We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
