One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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