After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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