Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize