I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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