He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
