Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
