Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She even gives head with a lisp.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
