Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
