i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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