We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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