walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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