This is not my ceiling
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
