If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
