I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
