wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
high people should be assigned attendants
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
