That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You are the jesus of drinking
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
