I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
