A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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