my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
