Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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