Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize