pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
