Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is not my ceiling
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Randomize
