i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
