I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
