i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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