you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
