"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
