Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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