Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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