I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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