Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
