Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize