I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
