bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
