but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
