You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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