Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Found your dick twin last night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
