dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
