Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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