ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
this just has baby written all over it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
