I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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