btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
