She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
