I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
