You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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