there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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