she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
