You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
