so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
