this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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