even my farts smell like vagina
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
