you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She bit a glass in half.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
