You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
