ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
