pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
