Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
