..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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