so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
