Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
