dude i'm inner monologue high
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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