I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
