Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
