wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
