Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
