He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
