I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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