We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize