chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
