Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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